Some Days You Bite the Bear ...

and some days the bear bites you. 

I'm talking about that big, hairy-assed bear of "Value for your money"

Some folks hold “you get what you pay for” as nearly divine wisdom, certain as gravity.  Others have a more hippie mindset and feel “The Man is rippin’ us off!", seeing upmarket items as mostly snobbery and name-brand price gouging.

Each ideology has merit, yet each is also an oversimplification.  You can’t expect to get a Rolls for the price of a SmartCar, but bargains really do exist and part of the hefty price tag on that Rolls (or Gibson) is undeniably for the prestige.   

Given time the oyster of the human mind will build a glistening pearl of obsession around any irritating grain of truth. Either of the extreme opinions above has a hard knob of reality at the center but can be taken too far. Sanity lies somewhere in between.  

Finding that middle ground is a matter of personal value/choices.  Which compromises are acceptable for monetary savings?  How much money is the next little improvement worth?  You can’t answer those for me, or vice-versa - we just do what fits ourselves.

I tend to err on the cheapskate side (as if THAT is news - laugh if you wanna).  Part of it was my upbringing, an absorption - or perhaps miscarraige of - my parents’ depression-era frugalilty.  Sometimes I get real bargains, sometimes I get junk. I usually have fun and when I do turn a bargain into a gem it makes me happy.  Maybe it is a bit like gambling?  I prefer to think of it is hobby-level craftsmanship.  I still probably spend less money than many drinkers.

Anyway, all this pseudo-deep talk is just setup for today’s story.  

I recently played in cheapskate alley and came out scratching my head.  Ya lay with markdown dogs, ya get up at the flea market ... or something.   No worries, very few George Washingtons were harmed in this tale of embarrassment.  

My friend Jason Lisle called my attention to donnerdeal.com  where he bought an OCD clone OD pedal for only $30, shipping included via slow boat from China.  Jason is pleased, he describes the pedal as "Scary good", - so  Ol' Ray 'Hotdogfingers' Scrooge-McWeller hurried off to Donnerdeal to see what else they have.

I found a 3 ply white pearloid/b/w Strat pickguard for $8 & free shipping via slowboat.  Not even Steve Gadd could beat that price.  With a couple of Strat projects pending and so little money at risk I decided to test the donnerdeal waters.  

*cue the sound of my dead presidents zinging across the internet*

I was warned in advance that delivery may take up to three months.  It took about eight weeks.  Fair enough.  If I had been in a hurry I would have just had to shell out more than eight bucks.

It arrived in a manila envelope, the item inside cocooned in thick Styrofoam sheeting and cello packing tape.

I was mentally prepared to find quality problems like rough edges, delamination, cheap-looking pearloid, incorrect shape, or hoonozewhat.  To my surprise the thing looked great!  The mother-of-toilet-set outer ply is deep and glossy looking, neither too vague nor too busy.  Outer edges are cleanly beveled and all of the cuts are tidy.  The holes for the potentiometers (POTHOLES! .. I love it. Expect me to call them “potholes” forever hereafter) even had the small  locator tab(?) holes.

Nitpicking: the foil shielding was only over the control cavity not the entire guard, but I’ve spent more for pickguards with none at all.  The foil wasn’t cut out at the switch slot although it was pre-trimmed everywhere else.  My first impression was that for eight bucks I had scored a very good buy.

I hung it in my mad La-BOR-a-tory.  A few days later I sat down to load it with some Fender Custom Shop pups and that is when I found a problem.  The stupid pickup holes are too small !  An uncovered Strat pup will pass through the hole but the covers will not. The hole seems to be shy in both dimensions.  

At first I scowled, then I chuckled.  Do they have kyoot riddle Strat pickups in China?  I’ve bought many Strat pickguards but this is the first time pup slots have been downsized. (Shame, too because this guard has such nice potholes *grin*)   All of you "get what you pay for" diehards have permission to shake fingers and cluck tongues at me for the next hour. 

As for Donnerdeal, the score stands at:
1 "Me so happy" in the effects department 
1 "WTF?" in pickguards.  

I’m not about to mail this back to Shanghai for an $8 refund, I’m just going to use a different guard for now and eventually either scrap it or try to enlarge these holes. I’m not exactly sure yet how I’ll enlarge them. 

If I use abrasives it will take forever.  

If I use a blade I’ll make them ugly.

If I use the Dremel I’ll make them even uglier - faster & with more panache.  I may even injure myself!  As plan like that is much more my style.  Besides, a Dremel is a power tool!

Dremel it is.  I’ll write when my hands heal.

© 2013 Raymond Blowers